the hills are alive

I didn't watch Laguna Beach but I am in love with The Hills. I especially love to hate Spencer Pratt, the Ken Doll dating Heidi. I swear, if you took off his pants he would have plastic underwear molded to his crotch.

Exhibit A:

However, this article made me hate

a) Spencer Pratt and Brody Jenner

AND

b) me, for reading the article and realizing how disgusting these people are. And then blogging about it.

Look at that stupid, sly smile on his face. Look at his obnoxiously big, white teeth. I just want to punch him in the mouth and run away yelling, "neigh! neigh!" Why do I want to do this? Obviously, I have anger issues towards Spence and I feel the need to remind him that he looks like a horse.

Stupid Ken doll.

wrapping up oscar coverage

The big trends we saw at the Oscars were asymmetrical necklines and strapless dresses. Before we say good-bye, though, we have to make sure to cover ...

The Good

Gwyneth Paltrow in Zac Posen, courtesy oscar.com



Rachel Weisz in Vera Wang, courtesy oscar.com



Reese Witherspoon in Olivier Theyskens for Nina Ricci, courtesy oscar.com

The Bland

Rinko Kikuchi in Chanel Haute Couture, courtesy oscar.com



Jessica Biel in Oscar de la Renta, courtesy oscar.com

In Biel's case, the color was spot-on for 2007's spring and autumn trends, but there's something about the execution that was lacking. Plus my boyfriend's first comment when he saw her was, "She's not wearing a bra!" You know it's bad when a man who can barely properly identify undergarments can tell.

Beyonce in Giorgio Armani Prive, courtesy oscar.com

In pictures where you see only Beyonce's top half, she looks great. Then you see her strike that pose and she suddenly looks like a streetwalker.

Jennifer Lopez in Marchesa, courtesy oscar.com

OK, there's nothing wrong with this dress. It's a very pretty dress. But for some reason, I just don't like it. She looks like a rich, pregnant woman in the '70s.


And the Ugly

Jada Pinkett Smith in Carolina Herrera, courtesy oscar.com

Let's not even discuss the fact that this ensemble looks like it's from 1999. The gown is doing a serious disservice to Pinkett Smith's breasts, and there is just no reason a woman should tolerate that. She's hot! She's a mom! She has a wonderful family! She should not have to carry around four boobs, all of which look like they belong on a bodybuilder, on the biggest night of the year!

Anne Hathaway in Valentino, courtesy oscar.com



Anne Hathaway in Valentino, courtesy oscar.com

Anne gets two pictures, so that you can admire both of the big, hideous, black velvet bows on her dress.

Kirsten Dunst in Chanel Haute Couture, courtesy oscar.com

Dunst looks like a drowned poodle. However, she is positively the picture of perfection next to this Bond girl's hot mess:

Eva Green in Givenchy, courtesy oscar.com

the oscars: cate blanchett

Cate Blanchett in Giorgio Armani Prive, courtesy oscar.com

Like I said, flawless and stunning, as usual. This is one of the few dresses with a narrow skirt that didn't strike me as too informal for Oscar night. I'm sure being an otherworldly beauty helps in the "able to pull off any outfit" department.

live blogging the oscars: helen mirren (hot hot hot!)

Helen Mirren in Christian Lacroix, courtesy oscar.com

I'm obsessed with Helen Mirren tonight. Can you believe she's 62?! Jack Black and Will Ferrell were so right when they sang about wanting to go home with her. We should all be so lucky to be that hot when we're 62.

live blogging the oscars: cameron diaz

Cameron Diaz in Valentino, courtesy oscar.com

I'd probably be more enthusiastic about this dress if I weren't so ambivalent about Cameron. I find her much-cited "down-to-earth" personality charming, but there's something about her that I find so stupid-looking at the same time ... which is pretty much the way I feel about the dress, too.

live blogging the oscars: maggie gyllenhaal

Maggie Gyllenhaal in Proenza Schouler, courtesy oscar.com

Loved Maggie's Proenza Schouler dress, especially if you overlook that tiny bit of post-baby pudge she still has when you see it from the front (not that I could look that good that soon after inflating to five times my normal size). I also liked the dress she wore at the dinner for the technical awards, which we saw briefly as she described it.

Maggie Gyllenhaal in Proenza Schouler, courtesy oscar.com

live blogging the oscars: penelope cruz

Penelope Cruz in Atelier Versace, courtesy oscar.com

Penelope Cruz is the epitome of the Oscars: glamorous, tasteful, and just exciting enough to not fall in the "Jennifer Hudson" category. Plus, what you can't see in this picture is, her jewels are absolutely stunning yet conservative enough that she doesn't look like she's dripping with diamonds. (Only complaint: I would love to see some bling on her neck.)

live blogging the oscars: jennifer hudson and kate winslet

Jennifer Hudson in Oscar de la Renta, courtesy oscar.com

It's hard to find pictures so soon, but so far everything looks pretty bland. Case in point: Jennifer Hudson, who is absolutely beautiful and should be rockin' her hot bod, is wearing a color that doesn't make her gorgeous skin glow the way it should, yet the dress has nothing obviously wrong with it.

Kate Winslet in Valentino, courtesy oscar.com

Kate Winslet was the same: nothing to complain about, but nothing to rave about, either.

I'll post a pic of Cate Blanchett as soon as I find one. As usual, she was flawless and stunning.
Update: Cate Blanchett post is available here.

another youtube find

I know I'm a little--a lot--behind on this one, but I've been watching Regina Spektor's videos on YouTube and I'm loving "Fidelity."

favorite things

I am a great believer in blush. I think every woman should wear it. However, it is hard to find a good color... especially one that doesn't scream "clown!". I am in LOVE with O-Glow by Smashbox. It starts out clear and once it hits your skin it turns the color you naturally blush. Brilliant.

Sephora.com

more on britney's breakdown

(via dooce)

On Monday Craig Ferguson did a great segment on his battle with alcoholism and how he sees his own alcoholic behavior in Britney. If you've got twelve and a half minutes to spare, it's more than worth watching.

this just in

New looks by Proenza Schouler for Target are now available exclusively online through Thursday. I love this voile bustier dress--the Proenza Schouler look for less.

Voile Bustier Dress in Cabin Brown by Proenza Schouler for Target, $39.99

now that we've had some time to reflect

Courtesy people.com

It's time to discuss the important issues. The most pressing of which is, Bit-Bit looks particularly bad as far as bald women go. Sometimes, from a distance, she looks like a young, pretty Sinead O'Connor, but usually she looks like this--lumpy-scalped, pointy-eared, deranged.

Britney, we understand the urge to do something drastic with your looks to deal with change in your life. Hell, I once put blue streaks in my hair the day after a particularly bad break up. But don't you wish you'd thought about that forehead bulge before you cut it all off?

Update: We can always count on the Fug Girls, plugging in for an emergency weekend post. "I look like an alien, y'all! An alien from planet SPEARS. Or maybe like a....no, like an alien. A sexy, sexy alien."

this makes me sad

usmagazine.com

quick question

His name is Stumpy. He has four legs. Do four legged ducks waddle? Or do the extra two legs stabilize him? And if you are duck that doesn't waddle, does that defeat the whole purpose of being a duck?

Courtesy of cnn.com
and Mother Nature

things i don't understand, part II

Britney. Shaving. Her. Own. Head.

A cry for help? A shout out to Sinead O'Connor? Maybe her hair extensions were just really, really itchy, y'all.

things i don't understand

Alan Thicke standing in a pool (with his pants on), urging me to go to Las Vegas. It's a commercial on the CW that airs late at night.

I like Las Vegas. I like(d) Growing Pains (especially the one where Matthew Perry was killed in a drunk driving accident). But both of them together?

the top 5 things you should know by now

Stripe Crop-Sleeve Cotton Jacket in Wild Dove by Proenza Schouler for Target, $44.99

1. Those cute boys Lazaro and Jake at Proenza Schouler debuted their line for Target on February 4. If you haven't hit it up by now, it might be too late ... This Stripe Crop-Sleeve Cotton Jacket in Wild Dove was my favorite of the collection. Yes, it's a little fall '06, but what do you expect for $44.99?

Anna Nicole Smith, courtesy annanicolesmithdies.com

2. Anna Nicole Smith died. We here at Minnesota Nice hereby ascribe to any and all rumors and conspiracy theories regarding her contested inheritance, her recently deceased son, her newborn daughter, the paternity suit, sex, and drugs.

Bandeau Dress with Lace Frill Detailing and Front Pockets in Navy Blue by Christopher Kane for Topshop, ~$234.38

3. Christopher Kane's collection for Topshop is now was available for shipment to the U.S. via Topshop's website. What does this mean for you? If you are interested in owning the most hideous dress this side of 1986, it will cost you only $234 plus $19.50 in shipping and handling. (Seriously, how could those saddlebags be flattering on even the most slender of women?)

Marc Jacobs Fall 2007 Ready-to-Wear, courtesy style.com

4. Last week was New York Fashion Week, where the darling of the Fall 2007 Ready-to-Wear collections was--no surprise--Marc Jacobs, who brought a sexy, sharp sophistication back to women's clothing.

Gareth Pugh Fall 2007 Ready-to-Wear, courtesy style.com

5. London Fashion Week is wrapping up, and so far I'm not in love with any of it.